Single Over Winter
Being single sucks most of the time, but it always feels worse over winter. Those cold winter nights spent alone, tucked up with a take away and watching movies. Now I'm never usually one to complain about being alone as i love my own company and space far too much. But i am turning 25 and still have no clue what i am doing with my life. 'I'm going to call this my quarter-life crisis'. I am living back at home with my mum after living abroad for a year and although i loved having my own place, my issues where finding the balance between having a social life and paying bills, food and if i were to live in the UK, i would also have to pay my sunbed electricity bills too. I am a serious sunbed addict and as you can probably imagine how expensive it is to power one at home, yeah that is what i am not ready to pay bills! I have numerous jobs with a good income but i don't have a career with a set amount so this makes it hard for me to plan months in advance.
I always think i want to get back into a relationship. When you see those cute couples all out having dinner together, holding hands ect. It does actually make me feel lonely. I am the cheesiest person when it comes to romance when I'm in love. There is nothing i wouldn't do for that person. But being single there's only so much texting somebody can do for you. Although i am moaning about this, when in reality a guy will ask me on a date and I'll run a mile, probably block their number or tell them I'm gay! I think i am just difficult to understand, I'm scared to let my guard down or more importantly, if i get into a relationship that means i have to sort my life out.
With my jobs doing what i do, i think this plays a big part in me being single. I mean it's all good and sexy for guys to admire my work, i mean who doesn't love tits, but deep down what guy is going to want to introduce a glamour model to his parents? I get given the stereotype of 'rude, easy or naughty' by what i post on social media or for my jobs, but in reality i am complete opposites. People need to realise how i portray myself online is just an identity i give myself which works well for my career and earns me money. If you have been keeping up to date on my posts you'll understand who i really am by now. Although, I think if i were to settle down with somebody i possibly would consider a career change. I know people always say loved ones should accept you for the way you are, but deep down i know there would be embarrassment over me, for what i do.
My other concern is my drinking. I am, as you will know by now, a big drinker. And a bad one at that! I have a few glasses or pints and my brain blacks out until i wake up the next day. This is obviously a problem and has been in the past too. I've woken up many of times not remembering getting home, where i have been or who I've been out with. Now my issue here being my anxiety. I cannot go out and feel comfortable without having a few drinks. However, there is only two stages of my drinking; sober to absolutely smashed. I have no tipsy stage where i know to slow down. But i am not willing to stop going out and having fun just yet. So i am yet to conquer this problem.
I'm not ruling a relationship out, i mean if the right person comes along and can deal with my messed up ways then I'm prepared to try. I am all for snuggling up to somebody watching movies and stuffing our faces. But i guess i am having my 'quarter-life crisis' and i just don't know what will happen next.
I always think i want to get back into a relationship. When you see those cute couples all out having dinner together, holding hands ect. It does actually make me feel lonely. I am the cheesiest person when it comes to romance when I'm in love. There is nothing i wouldn't do for that person. But being single there's only so much texting somebody can do for you. Although i am moaning about this, when in reality a guy will ask me on a date and I'll run a mile, probably block their number or tell them I'm gay! I think i am just difficult to understand, I'm scared to let my guard down or more importantly, if i get into a relationship that means i have to sort my life out.
With my jobs doing what i do, i think this plays a big part in me being single. I mean it's all good and sexy for guys to admire my work, i mean who doesn't love tits, but deep down what guy is going to want to introduce a glamour model to his parents? I get given the stereotype of 'rude, easy or naughty' by what i post on social media or for my jobs, but in reality i am complete opposites. People need to realise how i portray myself online is just an identity i give myself which works well for my career and earns me money. If you have been keeping up to date on my posts you'll understand who i really am by now. Although, I think if i were to settle down with somebody i possibly would consider a career change. I know people always say loved ones should accept you for the way you are, but deep down i know there would be embarrassment over me, for what i do.
My other concern is my drinking. I am, as you will know by now, a big drinker. And a bad one at that! I have a few glasses or pints and my brain blacks out until i wake up the next day. This is obviously a problem and has been in the past too. I've woken up many of times not remembering getting home, where i have been or who I've been out with. Now my issue here being my anxiety. I cannot go out and feel comfortable without having a few drinks. However, there is only two stages of my drinking; sober to absolutely smashed. I have no tipsy stage where i know to slow down. But i am not willing to stop going out and having fun just yet. So i am yet to conquer this problem.
I'm not ruling a relationship out, i mean if the right person comes along and can deal with my messed up ways then I'm prepared to try. I am all for snuggling up to somebody watching movies and stuffing our faces. But i guess i am having my 'quarter-life crisis' and i just don't know what will happen next.
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